Beacon, Don't Fly Too High.

It’s so fun being young and in love. 

If only things could stay this way forever. 

Today I am taking comfort in the fact that I am alive and for now, that is all I am. Today I am proud of those around me who have accomplished so much, even though they feel they have only done a little. Today I forgive myself for forgetting my optimism and give myself credit for reminding myself to bring it back. 

You have to make due with what you are given. I have to make due with what I am given and make the best out of my situation because quite frankly, it’s all I can do. And I can choose to sit here and envy everyone around me for the cards they are dealt but at the end of the day, it’s not going to get me anywhere. I am going to have my bad days, where I cry myself to sleep and complain and punch my walls until my knuckles scream in pain. I am going to have days where I won’t be able to get out of bed, where I will scream at ones I love because it’s all I can do. But I am going to let myself have good days where I forget my future and my past. Where I forget to worry every second of the day and embrace the people I am surrounded by. I am going to study and work until I am in the situation I want to be in. I deserve what I want in my life, just like you deserve what you want. I realized, however, for the first time in my life I am going to have to work harder then people I know…and that’s okay, because this is my life and that is yours.

You can’t live your life in fear that people are going to leave you. You can’t constantly push people away, tell them to fuck off, to disappear completely or you’ll end up alone. You have to take the risk of being loved and getting hurt. Every moment you spend telling people to leave you alone is another moment where you show your biggest weakness.  You can’t blame people for your mistakes, for your pain, for your misfortune. At the end of the day it is up to you to make the difference in your own life and take advantage of the opportunities given to you. Who gives a fuck if you don’t have what your best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or peers have. You are given what you are given and you can make more out of something small. Don’t tell yourself you can’t do it, don’t believe the shit people drill into your head. You are your biggest critique, your biggest enemy, your biggest fear. So you can tell yourself to fuck off and be happy. You can tell yourself to get out of bed, and fix the problems that you’re faced with. It takes a strong person to make a change in their life for the better and a weak person to just give up. Giving up is the easiest thing a human being can do but getting your ass up and changing your misery takes a person with strong will power. We have to take every obstacle and run through it, full force because it’s all that we can do at the end of the day. To problem solve,  invent, and find the fucking light. What else are we supposed to do besides fight for the things we need in our lives in order to be happy?

Don’t fucking give up. Stop giving up on yourself. 

Christ. What a shit fucking week. Like everything that needed to go wrong, went wrong. Everything that should have been fine, fell apart. I just want to run away and get out of here. I want to jump out of my own skin and forget everything that’s been happening.  I want to stop facing my problems for once and get away. I realize, however, that none of this is possible and I can’t simply run away from all of the shit life is throwing at me but just for one day I want to feel something.  Something besides alone and fucking hurt. I want to stop pretending for just a few hours that everything is okay and i’m not falling apart on the inside. When i’m not under the influence, i’m laying in my bed with the covers over my head trying to mute out the constant reminder that people will leave you. It’s fucking inevitable. If they don’t leave by choice already they’ll leave you in death or sickness. What a cliche i am. good lord i am such a depressing person lately.